


Life Before Death

by sunshine_disaster



Series: Life and Death [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alex Has Anxiety (Julie and The Phantoms), Alive Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby is Kind of a Dick, Bobby is barely mentioned, Child Abuse, Found Family, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Luke has depression, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie Has ADHD (Julie and The Phantoms), Reggie has dyslexia, Suicide Attempt, alex has a sister, luke runs away, reggie has nightmares, they die though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:01:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26896357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_disaster/pseuds/sunshine_disaster
Summary: The last two years of Luke, Reggie, and Alex's life as told through their trauma and their support of one another.
Relationships: Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: Life and Death [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2008705
Comments: 28
Kudos: 207





	1. Reggie

Reggie’s fingers strummed the chords harder and harder as the yelling got louder and louder. He knew pretty soon his parents would come barging in to yell at him, but at least for now, he didn’t have to listen to them. He could never figure out what the fights were about, it started with Reggie’s grades and now it was about the food always being cold because his dad always came home late from work.  
His dad had come home reeking of alcohol again, which wasn’t new but it had been a few days. He had slammed Reggie’s report card down on the dining room table, and that argument lasted an hour before Reggie was finally allowed to leave the room.  
It’s not that Reggie wasn’t smart, because he was an incredibly intelligent person, he just couldn’t pay attention or concentrate. He tried, but he could never sit still for longer than five minutes at a time, which resulted in a lot of detention, and a lot of letters home, and a lot of yelling.  
The words swam on the page in front of him, and every paper he handed in was marked down for spelling. It’s not that he wasn’t trying, because he was, and he understood the content if someone sat down with him and was patient enough to explain it in a way that made sense to him. That person tended to be Alex, occasionally Luke.  
Reggie could still hear the yelling over his strumming, he couldn’t completely make out the words, but he definitely heard his name, which meant the argument had become about him again. His parents fought constantly, about every little thing that happened. And he couldn’t help but blame himself. 

When he first met Alex and Luke, he never let them over to his house, it was off-limits, the only reason they knew where he lived at all was because Alex lived two streets over. They were only ten at the time, and Reggie thought it was normal for parents to fight like his did. But he still wouldn’t let his friends come over, he just didn’t like it.  
Eventually, he let them come over, but only when his parents weren’t home, or it was just his mom. It never became a habitual thing for them to come over, and his parent’s never fought when they had company.  
As they got older, and they began confiding in each other more, the boys realized how bad Reggie’s home situation was. They had never witnessed a fight, though. His parent’s acted like saints when either of them came over to study or just hang out in Reggie’s room.  
One day, though, Alex came to pick Reggie up for rehearsal during a fight. Reggie was sitting on the couch staring at the wall opposite him listening to his parents yell over each other trying to voice their disappointment at his grades.  
They all jumped when they heard the doorbell ring, but it was Reggie who got up and opened the door to an anxious-looking Alex.  
“We uh… We have rehearsal…”  
Reggie looked startled as he realized what day it was, turning back to stare at his parents.  
His dad just waved his hand, “Whatever, don’t come crying to me when you have to work at McDonald's!”  
Reggie’s mom shook her head, heading into the kitchen. Reggie turned back around and grabbed his bass that was sitting by the front door.  
“Lets go, please,” he mumbled, “and can we please not talk about this?”  
They did end up talking about it, but not until after rehearsal when Alex could tell that Reggie was doing better. Luke found out that same day because he could see the tear stains on Reggie’s cheeks and wouldn’t stop worrying. 

It was two months later when Reggie didn’t show up to rehearsal. He had never not shown up before. He’d been late a few times but never gone completely.  
He had begun coming on his own after his aunt bought him a bike, so Alex hadn’t gone to pick him up. Bobby had long since gone home, telling them he had a lot of homework.  
Alex was pacing back and forth, and Luke was bouncing his leg as he sat on the small couch.  
“He’s okay, right? I mean, he probably just fell asleep, he was pretty tired at school today,” Luke was mumbling, so it was a miracle Alex heard him at all.  
Alex ran a hand through his hair, though it just fell right back into his face, “Yeah… He’s probably fine.”  
Neither of them believed that he was fine.  
“It can’t hurt to go check on him, though. I mean… He’d do the same for us?”  
Luke nodded, “Yeah, maybe that would be a good idea.”  
It took them both a minute to grab their stuff, but once they did it only took them five minutes to drive to Reggie’s house. The drive was the longest five minutes of either of their lives, neither of them said a word the entire time. 

Reggie was laying on the floor of his bedroom, he had stopped crying half an hour ago, but it was still very clear that he had been. A bruise had begun to form right below his left eye, and he was pretty sure he had a broken rib or two.  
His dad had come home reeking of alcohol again, but his mom wasn’t there to lessen the blows. Reggie had been practicing in his room, his dad had decided that he was tired of the sound, and… Reggie couldn’t really tell you what happened after that. It happened too fast.  
He knew he was in bad shape, and he knew that his father had thrown his bass across the room, and he heard a crash that he really didn’t like, but he couldn’t bring himself to look.  
After that he heard the door slam again, so he knew his father had gone out again. But it didn’t matter, he’d be back.  
This wasn’t the first time his father had hit him, it wasn’t exactly uncommon. He’d always feel bad and apologize, and promise he’d never drink again, blah blah blah… But it never lasted long. Two weeks at the most. And the fights didn’t stop when he was sober, they just weren’t as loud.  
He heard the doorbell ring, but he didn’t care. Whoever it was would probably just go away. He lifted his hand to his face, wincing at the pain.  
The doorbell rang again, and again a minute later. Reggie pulled himself into a sitting position, before finally getting up.  
“Hold your fucking horses,” he yelled, wincing at the pain of walking. He was past the point of caring who was behind the door, he was in too much pain to give it another thought. 

Luke and Alex breathed out a sigh of relief when they heard Reggie’s voice, but were still worried at how angry and hurt he sounded. His voice had been strained, and more rough than usual.  
No one knew what to do when the door opened. Reggie stared at his two friends, holding his side. Alex had his mouth slightly open in shock, and Luke just looked angry.  
“Why are you here?” Reggie asked, his voice strained.  
“We came to check up on you. You missed rehearsal,” Alex had been the one to respond, though it had taken him a couple of seconds to find his words.  
Reggie stared for another moment, before gesturing inside. He couldn’t keep standing.  
Alex closed the door behind them, and Reggie led them to his room.  
“Reggie… What happened?” Luke finally spoke up, helping Reggie lay down.  
Reggie didn’t say anything, instead, he was staring at something across the room.  
His bass was lying next to the wall, next to a shattered lamp that had fallen off his dresser.  
“He threw it across the room... “ he mumbled, “I heard it crash, but I was in too much pain to look…”  
Luke looked confused before following Reggie’s gaze, a horrified look crossing his face, before one of anger replaced it yet again. Reggie had saved his money for two years when he was 14 to buy that bass, and now the stem was mangled where it had hit the wall.  
“My dad… I guess he got tired of the noise. Decided he’d had enough of it? I don’t know… I just know that I can’t afford to buy another…”  
“Reggie, you can borrow mine until we can get you a replacement,” Alex offered, “I never use it anyway.”  
Reggie nodded tearfully, “he got tired of the noise,” he finally admitted, “I guess he just decided that enough was enough? I can’t remember, really. I just know my face stings,” he left out the part where his ribs ached worse than anything, but he knew the boys could probably tell, it was obvious his face wasn’t the only part of him that was hurting.  
“Reg, I want you to come stay with me for a few days, yeah?”  
“My dad’ll just get mad at me, and I don’t wanna intrude on your parents, Luke.”  
“My parents love you! Besides, it’ll be fun, we can play some video games, movie night, whatever.”  
After a minute, Reggie nodded, he really didn’t want to stay at his house, and his parents were gonna fight either way, so he might as well leave for a few days.

Reggie stayed with Luke for about a week. It was hard for him to get out of bed for a few days, but luckily they were on a short break from school, so there was no reason to make excuses for absences. Alex came over everyday, which was a normal occurrence. The three of them often hung out outside of school, so it wasn’t weird that all three were together every day that week.  
Alex brought his bass to the garage the next time they were all there, “my aunt gave it to me like three years ago, I never use it, and it just takes up space in my room, so you can have it if you want,” and that was the end of the conversation.  
The three of them never brought it up to Bobby, the only explanation for the new instrument was that Reggie got a new one. Bobby was their friend, but he wasn’t as close to the three of them as they were with each other. They’d been friends for years, they had only known Bobby a little over two years, and didn’t really become friends until less than a year ago.  
It just wasn’t the same. They all hung out together, laughed and joked together, trusted each other. But it was different. The trust was different. The jokes were different. Alex knew he could trust Luke and Reggie, Reggie knew he could trust Alex and Luke, and Luke knew he could trust Alex and Reggie. All three knew they could trust Bobby, but not with everything.


	2. Alex

If you asked them why they were so close you would hear about how Alex has their favorite foods and drinks memorized and how he brings them hot chocolate on cold days. You would hear about how Luke would sit with Reggie after school every day for weeks to help him with schoolwork even though he hates homework, Reggie needed him. You would hear about how Reggie knew Alex’s favorite book, and they’d sit together for hours and talk about their favorite things.  
If you asked them why they were so close you wouldn’t hear about how Luke would sit up all night with Reggie when he was too scared to sleep. You wouldn’t hear about how they sat outside Alex’s house the night before the first day of high school because he couldn’t stop panicking. You wouldn’t hear about how Reggie saved Luke’s life and neither Alex nor Reggie slept that night.  
The boys were close, but they would never admit just how close they were. 

Alex came out as gay later that year. Luke was the first person he told, and then Reggie, and then his parents. Both Luke and Reggie were standing behind him when he told his parents. Both Luke and Reggie held him when he cried.  
Alex’s little sister didn’t understand why her big brother was crying, she didn’t understand why her parents were so upset.  
She was 8, born eight years after Alex, and the absolute light of his life. He talked about her constantly, bragging about how amazing and smart his little sister was. He’d walk her to and from school every day he could, and even at 8, she’d crawl into his bed with him when she had a nightmare.  
Alex loved his sister and admitting to her that their parents were mad because he liked boys was one of the hardest things he did. He knew she didn’t completely understand the situation, but one of the best moments of his life was when his sister hugged him and told him, “I like boys too! Well… Not really, they’re kind of gross… and Jason is pretty mean sometimes… But Mason gave me this cool pencil, so I guess he’s okay.”  
Alex gave her another hug, “Thanks, kid.”  
After his sister had left the room, Alex’s breathing began to fall short again. He’d wiped his eyes dry when she knocked on the door, but as soon as she was gone he broke.  
Reggie was sitting at the end of the bed, leaning against the wall. Luke had taken the spot next to Alex, who had curled himself up into a ball.  
“It was stupid to think that they would think it was okay,” he mumbled into his arms, “it was foolish to think that it was a good idea to come out at all…”  
“I think it’s foolish that they care who you like at all, who cares if you like dudes! You could like aliens from space for all I care!” Luke rubbed circles into Alex’s back, “I’m sorry they took it so badly… But you always have us, right Reg?”  
Reggie looked up from the loose string he had been messing with on the bed, “Of course, you were there for me! I wouldn’t abandon you to save the world!”  
Alex looked up at them, giving a small smile, “thanks, guys.”

The three spent the night at Luke’s house. Alex had decided that he was going to give his parents a day or two to calm down, and Luke’s parents were always welcoming of his friends. Reggie had spent countless nights sleeping on Luke’s bed, as had Alex.  
Before Reggie began letting them come over to his house, the three would alternate between spending time at Alex’s house and Luke’s house. Because of Maddie, Alex’s sister, they would usually end up at Luke’s.  
The three had been sleeping at each other's houses since they were ten, it no longer mattered to any of them where they slept, or if they were literally lying on top of one another. All that mattered was that everyone was comfortable. And everyone was.  
If you were to ask them why they all slept in the same bed, they’d all tell you the same thing: “It’s easier than trying to figure out where we’re all gonna sleep.” But the truth is that Reggie doesn’t have nightmares when they’re all together, and when he does, he’s immediately in a place where he feels safe. The truth is that Alex doesn’t wake up and feel wrong for being who he is, but when he does he knows that his two best friends are both at his side if he needs them. The truth is that Luke wakes up actually happy to be alive when they’re together, but when he doesn’t his two best friends are immediately there to give him a hug. The truth is that they need each other.  
The three of them are more comfortable when they’re together, so that’s where they stay.

“Luke, if you don’t quit stealing the entire blanket, I’m going to push you off your own bed,” Alex warned quietly, trying not to wake Reggie.  
Reggie had trouble sleeping, so it was important to both of them that no matter what happens, Reggie does not get woken up. If one of them did wake him up, they would have to put a dollar into a jar, which went to helping pay for stuff for the band. Reggie had to put a dollar in the jar every time he made a self depreciative comment. The system worked.  
Luke rolled over just enough to flip Alex off before pulling the blankets tighter around himself. It was late, and it was cold. There were more blankets on the bed, Reggie had one wrapped tightly around him (though it was thin and not very warm) and the bedsheet was covering all three of them, but Alex was ready to strangle his best friend if he didn’t relinquish custody of the heavy blanket soon.  
“Luke, I swear to god, you are the absolute worst person to share a bed with…”  
Reggie rolled over in his sleep towards Alex, he tended to wake up in one of their arms whenever they spent the night together, just because he seeks out comfort and heat, which his friends provide. No one ever commented on it, it was just a thing. All three of them would cuddle, especially when it was cold or if one of them was feeling sad.  
“I’ll share the blanket if you promise in the morning you’re not gonna wake me up just so you can make me eat breakfast.”  
Alex rolled his eyes, “whatever, Luke, just give us the blanket.”  
When Emily came in the next morning to wake the boys up, the three looked so comfortable and happy. She just smiled and shut the door again. It was Saturday, they didn’t have to be up anyway.

Alex was the first of them to wake up, but he stayed laying there for another fifteen minutes not wanting to disturb the other two boys.  
Alex had a lot of trouble processing his feelings, he knew what he felt, but he didn’t understand it a lot of the time.  
When they were about to perform, he knew he was excited, but the feeling of absolute terror in his gut told him to run. The first time they were on stage, he almost did run. The only reason he didn’t was because he saw how excited Luke and Reggie looked, he knew if he ran it would ruin their night.  
Every time they go on stage, he remembers how he felt that night, and always thanks his past self for not running, for getting behind his drums and letting himself play in front of the crowd. He tries to tell himself that he’s done it a million times before, and they’d rehearsed for hours and that he won't mess up, but that anxiety lingers until the moment he gets on stage, until the moment the song starts. And as soon as it does, he lets himself disappear into the music.  
You can’t put logic behind anxiety, you can try, but it won’t work the way you want it to.  
Alex laid in bed, trying to make sense of how he felt. He had just come out to his parents, which was a big step, but now what? He could tell his crush that he likes him? But what if his crush thinks that's gross? He wasn’t going to take that chance. So he laid there. 

Reggie was the next to wake up, almost falling out of the bed in the process. Alex caught his arm just before he fell.  
“You know, the bed is big enough, you don’t have to sleep at the very edge,” Alex told him, helping him untangle the blanket that had made him fall.  
“Or I could stay on the edge of the bed and continue to get tangled in the blankets all night? I like my way better,” Reggie replied sarcastically.  
Alex laughed softly, rolling his eyes, “Whatever, Reg…”  
“If you two don’t shut your damn mouths I’m kicking you onto the street.” Luke was finally awake, though from his voice his friends could tell that he was not happy about it.  
Reggie threw his pillow at him, “It’s time to wake up! The new day awaits! Let's go, sunshine!” He got up and pulled Alex with him, “It’s a new day and it’s cold so let's go get hot chocolate!”  
Luke groaned, pulling his pillow over his face and covering his ears.  
“Nope! It’s hot chocolate time!” Reggie pulled the pillow out of Luke’s grasp, while Alex took the time to rip the blankets off the bed.  
“I’m not paying…” Luke finally said as he got out of bed.  
Alex tried not to stare at his bare chest, he failed.  
Reggie tried to hide his staring at both of them, he did not fail. 

Alex walked behind his friends, thinking. He didn’t know what to do with his feelings, he didn’t understand his feelings in all honesty. He saw Luke walking with his arm around Reggie, they were laughing about something but he wasn’t entirely sure what. He hadn’t been paying attention.  
Alex had his hands stuffed in his pockets, it was chilly, and his hoodie was only so warm. Reggie had his leather jacket over his flannel, and Luke was wearing one of his long jackets that Alex always told him looked stupid but he never listened. Alex actually thought it was kind of cute. 

Reggie turned to look at him, giving him a small smile before turning back around so he didn’t trip. Every time he saw one of them smile his heart would flutter, but how was he to know if that was normal? He didn’t have that many friends, he’d never been the popular one. Luke had always been the popular one, Reggie had always been loved by everyone, Alex was just there to be there. That was how he felt at least.  
When he helped Reggie study before a test, helping him figure out how to make reading easier, that made him happy. When Luke came to him with song ideas, and they figured out the melody together, that made him happy. Being with them made him happy. But that was wrong, and nothing would ever come of those feelings, they were his friends, and he was not about to risk their friendship just because of some silly crush.  
“Dude, get your butt over here, quit being so slow,” Luke had turned around and was walking backward, outstretching his hand to Alex.  
Alex laughed, grateful to be pulled from the thoughts running through his mind. He grabbed Luke’s hand, letting him pull him closer as he turned back around. Luke’s arm was now around his shoulders along with Reggie’s. That's usually how Luke walked, always touching one of them in some way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you guys think! You can also find these chapters on my tumblr @solangelo-writings


	3. Luke

Luke rarely fought with his parents, but when he did fight, it lasted a while. They didn’t like him spending so much time on the band. And his grades had never been the best, but they began to drop when they started booking gigs and rehearsals got more serious. They didn’t mind him hanging out with friends, but they liked it when he focused more on school, and when he wasn’t out past midnight every other night.   
Luke was smart. He liked to read, he enjoyed history, but he just didn’t care for school. The only reason he kept going was for his parents. Because he knew how important it was to them that he get an education.   
The fighting got worse as his grades dipped, he spent more and more time at the garage, usually, Reggie or Alex would be there too, avoiding their own homes.   
There were nights he would show up at the garage late at night and find Reggie sleeping on the couch, and others where Alex was playing his drums so loud his ears didn’t stop ringing for an hour.   
Sometimes Bobby would be there, just cause he had nothing better to do, but that was rare. Bobby had a good family, who supported him and didn’t care what he did with his free time. 

When Luke ran away, the others knew immediately. He’d shown up at Alex’s house looking absolutely wrecked. Maddie had opened the door for him, but Alex had been right behind her.   
“Are you okay?” Maddie had asked as Alex rushed towards him.   
Luke had given her a weak smile, “I’ll be alright.”  
Reggie had been called over immediately, and the three sat together for as long as they could but Reggie had to go home later that night. Luke had spent the night crying into Alex’s chest.   
He spent most of that year living in the garage. It wasn’t hard, it had a bathroom with a shower, and they had a minifridge in the corner. But there were nights he’d crash at Alex’s or Reggie’s when their parents were out for the night.  
Alex’s parent’s still weren’t happy with Alex’s “decision to be gay” as they put it, so the only times Luke or Reggie could spend the night was when they were going to be out all night.  
Luke tended to show up at his friend’s houses unannounced in the middle of the night when he was having a bad night. That was always something that he did, though it got more common after he ran away. He never liked being alone, and now he was almost always alone. 

Luke was depressed, he didn’t like to admit it, but it got hard for him sometimes. His parents knew that he wasn’t always feeling the best, but only Alex and Reggie knew the true extent of how bad it got. They were there at his absolute worst times. Alex had done his math homework the night after his attempt in tenth grade (they didn’t get much sleep that night, and Luke didn’t get much support from his parents after getting home from the hospital). Reggie had been the one to pull the blade out of his hand. He’d shown up at Luke’s house to get some help with homework and ended up at the hospital with blood on his hands.   
Luke had been released with stitches five hours later, and no one gave him a second glance (both Reggie and himself had been very insistent that it was merely a cooking accident involving a fallen knife). Alex had been there to pick them up from the hospital because Luke had decided halfway through the panic that he didn’t want his parents there, they tried to argue but he didn’t care.   
Reggie had used the payphone to call Alex and get him to come and pick them up. They’d gone back to Luke’s and didn’t leave his bedroom until lunch the next day when Reggie went to go get pizza for the three of them. Luke had fallen asleep fairly quickly, but Alex and Reggie couldn’t bring themselves to take their eyes off him. Alex was afraid if he stopped looking at him he’d disappear, Reggie was scared that if he closed his eyes he’d be back to holding the blood-soaked cloth over his best friend’s arm, trying to stop the bleeding.   
Around 5 AM Alex finally convinced Reggie to get some sleep, so Reggie fell asleep with his head on Alex’s chest and Luke’s hand in his. He hadn’t let go since they’d gotten back.   
When Luke had woken up the next morning, Alex and Reggie were both asleep next to him, and he realized how lucky he was to have them as his friends. 

Luke sat at the desk in Reggie’s room, he was staring down at his songbook, but he couldn’t figure out the lyrics he wanted to write. Alex and Reggie were sitting on the bed, and Alex was talking Reggie through a math problem he couldn’t figure out.   
Alex was good at that, explaining math to people. He’d helped Luke get his grade up on multiple occasions, and the three of them always studied together before a big test. He had been a math tutor for a couple of months, but it didn’t last long, he just didn’t have the time.  
Luke turned around to stare at them, Reggie’s tongue was sticking out in concentration, and Alex was pointing at something on the page before trying to show Reggie how to do the problem on paper.   
Alex looked up and smiled at him before turning back to Reggie, the smile gave Luke butterflies, but he couldn’t explain why. He got the same feeling when Reggie would laugh at one of his jokes, or the three of them were hanging out and one of them touched his hand unexpectedly. It just happens.  
Luke got up and went to sit by them, leaning over Reggie’s shoulder to watch what they were doing. Reggie leaned back onto him, letting his head fall back onto his chest. It was obvious to Alex and Luke that he was done with studying for the night.   
“Why do letters have to be in math? It was hard enough when it was just numbers, I don’t even know how to divide!” Reggie was mumbling.   
Luke laughed a little, wrapping his arms around him, “I’m gonna be honest, I’m not entirely sure I know how to divide either.”   
“I can teach you both how to divide if you’d like?”   
“No!” Reggie and Luke answered in unison.   
“Okay, okay, maybe another time,” Alex laughed, grabbing their textbooks and putting them on the floor.   
He laid back on the bed, “Reg, I love ya, but you need to buy new sheets. You’re 17, and your pillows have stormtroopers on them.”   
“My sheets are awesome, thank you very much. But also they’re just the most comfortable sheets I can find…”   
Luke nodded at that, “They are very comfortable. And I mean, the blankets are nice, it’s just plain red. Who cares about pillowcases or anything, I’m pretty sure my pillowcases still have flowers on them…” Luke hadn’t talked about his house in over a month, it wasn’t his favorite topic.   
Neither Alex nor Reggie commented, but Alex saw the way his eyes began to water and how his face scrunched up like he was in pain. Reggie noticed how Luke’s fingers began to tap slightly faster where they rested on his wrist.  
Luke was holding Reggie in his arms, and Alex was laying on the bed next to them. Luke felt safer when he was touching someone, especially if it was Alex or Reggie. Even if they were just barely touching hands, it was an instant sense of relief. 

Luke wasn’t a happy person. He had a lot of issues, and he didn’t like talking about them. He wrote a lot of it into music, but he never showed anyone those songs. Sometimes he’d purposely leave his book laying open where one of them would find it, and he would find it again laying on top of his bag later that day. Whoever had found it wouldn’t talk to him about it, they knew that wasn’t what he wanted, but they gave him a hug, and a reassuring smile and they knew that that was what he wanted and that was what he needed.   
After Luke’s attempt, he spent a lot of time sitting at his desk, writing. That had been two years ago, when he was 15. The way he felt that night never really left him, but he fought it off the best he could. He realized the effect his death would have on the people he loved.  
There were nights he would struggle and there were nights he’d call Alex in a panic because his head hurt so bad from the racing thoughts. Alex would come over and sit with him for hours, holding his hands so he couldn’t scratch at the skin on his arms. He would come up with strange conversation topics to help get his mind off of whatever was going on. There were also nights where Reggie would be the one to get on his bike at midnight and they would sit on the floor of Luke’s room and talk until they saw the sunrise.

Luke knew how to tell when Alex was having a bad day and when Reggie’s parents were going at it again. Alex knew how to tell when Luke was barely holding his head up, and Reggie was about to pass out from sleep deprivation. Reggie knew how to get Alex out of a situation that gave him anxiety, and how to get Luke to lay down and take a break. The three of them knew each other inside and out.

It was no surprise when Luke confessed to his feelings for the other two, and they reciprocated those feelings. They kept their relationship secret, of course. It was 1995, being gay was one thing, being in a relationship with two people was completely different. And both were frowned upon.   
They had been sitting in the garage, it was late and none of them wanted to go home (Luke couldn’t go home). And in a sleep-deprived state, Luke decided to confess. It had taken a minute for the other two to completely comprehend what he had said, and there had been a lot of asking for clarification (Luke had been trying to get them to understand what he was saying without actually saying it). But at the end of it, after a long conversation about feelings, they decided to try a relationship. 

One night, when the three of them were at Alex’s house (his parents had gone out for the night), Luke woke up to Maddie trying to get Alex awake. She knew that they spent the night, so it didn’t bother her that the three of them were in the bed, but she was crying and Alex wasn’t waking up. He had had a long day, so Luke wasn’t exactly surprised that he wasn’t waking.  
“Maddie?” He asked quietly, “Are you okay?” he sat up to look at her, squinting in the dark room.   
“I had a nightmare and I tried not to come bother you guys, but I’m scared and Alex isn’t waking up,” she talked fast, and it was obvious in her voice that she was scared.   
“Do you want me to come downstairs and we can watch some TV?” he asked, knowing that Alex needed to sleep.   
The light from the hall made it easier to see her nod in the dark room, “okay, I’ll be down in a minute,” he watched as Maddie left the room.  
Luke got up and put some clothes on before heading downstairs. Maddie was sitting on the couch rewinding a VHS tape, Beauty and the Beast was her favorite, and Luke didn’t mind sitting through it for the fourth time that month.   
Luke had been around when Maddie took her first steps, he was there for all of her birthdays, and so had Reggie. She looked up to them, and she thought of them as her brothers.   
There was one day Alex couldn’t go pick her up from school, and so Luke went instead, and almost started crying when he heard her tell her friends “I gotta go, my brothers here!” and she ran up and gave him a big hug.   
“Okay, kiddo. It's past midnight, so don’t tell your parents, but do you want some hot chocolate?”   
Maddie grinned, nodding quickly. Luke laughed, going to make two cups of hot chocolate in the kitchen, trying to keep quiet so Alex and Reggie didn’t wake up. They both deserved to get some more sleep. He added extra marshmallows to Maddie’s cup and walked back to the living room a few minutes later to find the movie starting.   
Maddie fell asleep with her head in Luke’s lap, and Luke didn’t have the heart to wake her up to move her back to her own room, so he sat there until morning when Alex came downstairs to find him.   
Alex smiled at the sight of the two of them, but it was nearing seven and his parents would be home soon so they all had to get dressed and at least pretend that they hadn’t spent the night. He leaned down to kiss Luke’s cheek, who had woken up when he heard the stairs creak.   
Alex then shook Maddie’s shoulder softly, “Mads, wake up,” he spoke quietly.  
“Alex!” she grinned, jumping up to give him a hug, “we watched Beauty and the Beast and Luke made hot chocolate!”   
“Is that so?” he glanced at Luke, who just smiled innocently in return.   
She nodded quickly, “Yep!”  
Maddie was definitely a morning person.

Reggie woke up twenty minutes later when Luke and Alex came back upstairs to get him up, “It’s half past go away,” he mumbled when Luke stole the blankets from him.   
Luke grinned, “It’s actually half-past seven, but I guess that works too.”  
Reggie flipped him off before curling into a ball to try to regain some warmth, “Let me sleep,” he mumbled.   
Alex laughed at him, “You gotta get up, Reg. My parents will be home soon so we all gotta get dressed.”   
Reggie groaned, sitting up to stare at them, “Are we going to the garage today?”  
“We could, but we probably won’t be rehearsing. Bobby is busy, so we’d probably just hang out,” Luke tossed Reggie’s flannel at him, along with his jeans. He was already wearing his black tank top, which he fell asleep in.   
“I’m down to just hang out if Alex is?”   
Alex shrugged in response, “I don’t see why not, it’s not like any of us had anything better planned. We just gotta wait for my parents so Maddie isn’t alone. I can tell them you came over to pick me up and we didn’t want to leave Maddie by herself.”  
The three got dressed, except for Luke who was already mostly dressed. Reggie grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder before following Alex downstairs. Luke sat on Alex’s bed for a minute, just thinking about life.

The boys broke up a week before they were supposed to perform at the Orpheum. It was a unanimous decision, though that didn’t make it any easier on any of them. They all cried. But their relationship didn’t suffer from it. It took them a few hours, but the next day they were right back to their old selves. They still cuddled, and there were still a lot of hugs and touchy moments, but they were friendly touches. They had decided that it was better for them as a band, and as friends, that they weren’t in a relationship.   
The day they were supposed to perform was one of the craziest days of any of their lives. Bobby was the only one who managed to stay calm throughout the entire day (and Alex was pretty sure that was because he only half cared). Alex had a panic attack in the dressing room, Luke kept tripping everywhere he stepped, and Reggie kept forgetting the words to the songs (he made them up on the spot if he couldn’t remember).  
“This is it, boys, we’ve worked so hard to get here and now we’re finally here and soundcheck is in an hour,” Luke was always the one to hype them up before a show, he was good at it, “After tonight, nothing can stop us. The world will know our name, god… tonight defines our future. Even if we mess up, it’s still going to be the best show we’ve ever played.”   
Alex was twirling one of his sticks between his fingers, anxiety present on his face, but it was obvious that he was also more excited than he’d ever been before.   
“I left tickets on the counter of our kitchen, I hope my parents come, I’d love for Maddie to see us play.” Maddie had never been to one of their shows, and neither had Alex’s parents.   
“I left tickets too, but I don’t think my folks are gonna show…”   
“I sent my parents a letter, but I didn’t leave a note, just the tickets… Maybe they’ll come? I should never have left...” Luke looked up towards the ceiling, staring at the lights there.   
All three boys looked at Luke, though Alex and Reggie were the most shocked. He rarely talked about his parents, and the only regret he ever showed was though Unsaid Emily.   
Bobby was sitting on the couch with his feet up on the table, “who cares if our parents show? This is our night, not theirs.”   
Alex rolled his eyes, ignoring him.   
“It’s our night, which means that they should be here supporting us,” Luke was not one to ignore people’s ignorant comments.   
“Whatever, man.”

Soundcheck felt like it passed in seconds, though it was really only about an hour. And now they had another two hours before the actual show. The three boys always spent the last hour before their shows together if there was nothing else they had to do. Usually they’d just sit around until they were called on stage, but today was different. Today they were playing on their own, today they were the center of attention.  
Sure, they’d played their own gigs before, but never like this. Never this big. Never this important. 

They were all on edge, and it was understandable. This was the biggest night of their lives. Too bad it was also the last.  
They died just like they lived. Together.   
Luke went first, he had been feeling ill since the first bite but thought it was just nerves. It wasn't just nerves. Alex was having a panic attack, which may have been why he was the next to die. His body was fighting too hard for too many things at once. Reggie was last, he had to listen to both his friend's flatline, had to feel Alex's hand go limp in his own, but he was too tired to feel anything other than pain. Luke had died quickly, and Alex soon followed, but Reggie had to be there for all of it. None of them were entirely conscious while in the ambulance, they were in pain, they were tired, and they just wanted to sleep, but Reggie was there the longest, he remembered the most. And it was haunting

The paramedics said there was nothing they could do. But they kept them together in their last moments, and that was the best thing they could have done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, folks!  
> I may or may not make a series of this. A sequel series including Julie and maybe some little one-shots of events that have been mentioned.  
> Let me know what you think! And don't forget to check out my writing tumblr @ useful-wasting-of-ink

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this, but I have most of the second chapter worked out, and some of the third.


End file.
